If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
