Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.