Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
