Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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