the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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