So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
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I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
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Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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