Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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