i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
