I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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