I think i sorta joined a cult last night
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
