I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
