I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
