I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
