I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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