I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Randomize
