Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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