I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
