At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
