dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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