he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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