ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
