I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
