You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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