Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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