This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
