the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Randomize
