Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
