I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
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did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
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Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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