can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
