just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
