Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
