There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
