So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
