it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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