just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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