Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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