Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
