yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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