There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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