just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.