oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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