I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
