I like to think it a success when the cops are called
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.