bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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