If i come over, it means nothing
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
