Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
