Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I know her cup size but not her name....
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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