just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
