i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
