Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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