i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
