I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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