Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
where are you?
Hypothermia
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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