Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Your dad touched me again.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
