false alarm. still invincible.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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