I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
