he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
