I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
