What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
