He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
