I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
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He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
jump out the window naked night went bad
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