Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
