sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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