You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
