I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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