She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
