We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
