Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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