fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
