i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
